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Submitted on
August 21, 2013
Submitted with Writer


2,974 (1 today)
18 (who?)

The Epic Author-Off

Wed Aug 21, 2013, 6:06 PM


Ladies, gents, and unclassy bitches, welcome to the Bibliodome! Here in each corner we've got our opponents, getting ready to face off in an epic battle of words, the likes of which have never been seen before and will never be seen again.

Well, unless you've been watching epic rap battles on YouTube.

thank you SilverInkblot for linking me this!

Anyway, the plan is a bracket-style showdown in which you pick an author and use mad skills (all kinds of literature welcome! Prose, poetry, song, etc!) to get to the top, while of course doing your best to represent that author's life and, more than anything else, literary style.

There must be at least 16 people for this to happen. Brackets look silly if there aren't at least four rounds, so tell your friends. And then blackmail them until they promise to submit an entry. You keep a dossier on them, right?

What are y'all gonna be doing, anyway?

In each round, you'll submit a short piece that is self-aggrandizing. Make your author look like a badass and kick that other guy out of history. (Note: especially since some of these dudes are alive, any mockery of the other guy that doesn't center around the fatness of their mother needs to be in good—or at least acceptable—taste. For research, I recommend watching MTV.)

And, above all, REPRESENT: the piece you submit should look like something that author might have written, even if you choose to use poetry for a novelist or vice versa.

Yes, you can toss down a slam poem about the glory of Chuck Palahniuk, but if it's archaic as hell and doesn't contain a single transgressive-esque reference, that's not cool.


How it works

  1. You pick an author. Post who you'd like to represent directly in this thread, as it's a first-come first-serve situation and things are less awkward if I don't have to keep noting people to let them know they can't play as Terry Pratchett. Authors must have been born after 1800 (inclusive).

    The mainstream is so, you know, mainstream, but please don't pick anyone completely unheard of. Your author must have a Wikipedia entry. Please Wikipedia your author before choosing them, as it'd be awkward if they turned out to be a baby killer. (Protip: Don't pick Hitler.)

  2. Make sure you're following CRLiterature, as updates will go directly through here. And yes, we're allowing betting on the brackets. You might want to check local laws first, though....

  3. We release the bracket, and you'll get a couple of weeks per round to put together your best burns. Word limits: 250 words for prose and <30 lines (inclusive) for poetry.

  4. Next round!

How to win

  1. Have a sense of humor. I'll reiterate from above, this is all meant to be in good taste, so subtle jabs and elements of parody are all well and good. Unless your author is a humorless prick, of course.
  2. Know your author's style. I can't say this enough, so I won't.
  3. Sell 'em good!


Oh, so that's what you're here for?! You—I—okay, I'll get to it. I don't want to limit this to three people since we might have copious quantities of awesome, so any donations will be added to the pot. Prize donors can enter, yes, and I'll handle notifying you so you don't have to keep track of anything you don't want to.

  • 2000 points from communityrelations
  • 1000 points from neuro's re-defunct donation pool
  • 200 points from Beccalicious
  • something awesome from YOU :eyes: (seriously, critiques, features, anything else you'd like to offer are awesome too!)

Questions welcome. And don't forget, if you're interested, we'll need at least 16 people in so tell your friends. :eager:

Signups will be open through Labor Day weekend, September 2 (Monday) in the US.


I do need this weekend to write up the blog so please be patient. And remember to have #CRLiterature on your watchlist. I will note all participants once and once only. :)
Add a Comment:
Fe0 Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013   General Artist
It sounds awesome, but I don't understand it at all. XD
neurotype Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
If you ask some questions I can try to explain :) However, reading the updated journal here may help. Just let me know!
Fe0 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013   General Artist
Thank you, Kindly!
Horace-Bulregard Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Professional General Artist
Curses why did I not see this until today?! D8

If it's still open I'd like to enter please. Since Oscar Wilde is already claimed, I'd like to back Douglas Adams if I can. ^^
neurotype Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That's so awesome, I can't say no :eager:

I'll close the entrants once I actually draw up the brackets, which would be at some point this week :D
Horace-Bulregard Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Professional General Artist

I am excited. xP
neurotype Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Blacksand459 Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
So...has it begun yet? Has the first bracket started? And who am I writing against? Or is this just to prove my guy is better? It seems slightly subjective...two authors could be fantastic...and someone won't like one of them just because.
neurotype Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Signups are still open :B It'll be in brackets like the NCAA, yeah. And yeah, a bit subjective, but there's a number of factors to judge on so it'll have an objective base
Bullcross Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Alright, I'm in this. Run Away I choose Andrzej Sapkowski, if he is not yet taken! If he is, tell me, so I can change my pick.

Let's see who's best!

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