By now I think some of you might have gathered that I'm overall confident (and opinionated, yeah yeah okay). And I don't totally get why people are afraid their work sucks when they only get down one sentence, delete, and then whinge about how they can never write and they have writers' block and the White Face—er, blank page—is just the most intimidating thing on the planet.
And then I think about my issues with drawing.
A brief story of my life: I found pencils (colored and graphite) when I was three, started copying shit when I was five, was decent at drawing still-lifes for a long time, realized I hated it (and am atrocious at values), went to university where I thought I had nothing more left to learn about holding a pencil, minored in visual art, and discovered I did and I could. And, during that process, I got really critical about art. Specifically, my own art, though if you give me enough time with anything I could write an essay on it.
Where this brings me now is I cannot finish a drawing unless a) I spend 40+ hours on it or b) I deliberately aim for cartoonishness, so I only spend half the time agonizing about proportions. And then I'll dislike it in a week anyway, which makes it impossible to get to 40+ hours in the first place.
I'm good at drawing. Not awesome, but not bad. And can I prove it to you?
Because I'm so hung up on being insecure and hating everything I do that, instead of trying to get it to the point where what comes out on the paper is what's in my head, I just baww and cringe and don't finish anything or hide what got finished and never show it again, because when I look at it all I see is what I could've done better.
How do you develop a technique if you never use a technique?
This applies ubiquitously. But I think it's worth pointing out that writing should be a little different because the mistakes aren't as in-your-face. If I jack up anatomy, that weird hand is gonna be staring everyone in the face and there's no need for formal training to go 'this isn't possible in real life' (although it's likely a beginner will not do a good job with line quality because that is something you learn over time). Writing, though—how do you know what's on the page isn't good? Does being a good reader qualify your opinion that far?
Feel free to answer those questions in the comments. For everyone in general:
And how can you expect yourself to start off a master? Why do we want perfection in something we do for fun, regardless of our intentions for it long-term? Why? Why anything creative?
All these questions. All the time. It's easy to take one look in the mirror and stay there. The thing you don't start is the one that can't make you miserable. (Until that idea eats the back of your head away. This is a common disease, I hear.)
Is it something you can get over by trying exercises and telling yourself they're just exercises and you don't have to make them perfect? Something you get over by staying away from the thing you actually want to do and sticking to stuff that doesn't have as much bearing on you?
I have to keep reminding myself that if I want to identify as a person who draws and isn't bad at it, I have to prove it. Actions, not words. Not to mention that going back to a tool I haven't touched in a while is always a painful process. Things that should be instinctive aren't.
But, really, the worst part is that while we sit around and start things and stop them and never get better at them, a thousand people who are worse at it are out there. Not being ashamed or afraid. Are they better artists by default, then, because of this stupid autophagic process where we chew ourselves to bits?
Anyway. I'm done procrastinating. Back to comics.
I have a story to tell.
Journal Design and CSS by ~PreetikaSharma