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November 8, 2012
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DDs Aren't Perfect

Journal Entry: Thu Nov 8, 2012, 5:45 AM
Looking at a positive trend in lit DDs. :love:

Probably the biggest demand authors on this site have is for more constructive feedback. And guess what? One of the ways you do end up getting some great advice is when you get a sitewide feature.

Here are a few quotes from great critiques seen in October's DDs, and yes I have chosen sentences that are offering constructive feedback rather than positivity, so don't assume these critics were pointlessly harsh. I've left them anonymous just in case, but if you recognize your words here, please understand they're appreciated!

I'd suggest incorporating more turns of phrase to keep the language fresh.

I feel as though the action around the beginning of the fire could be a little more clear, and perhaps the setting, too.

I think with a little more condensation, you could make a greater impact upon the reader.

I think shorter would work better, because then you're not adding more 'filler', and shorter sentences work to increase intensity.


Anyway, I'm including these because 1) they're good examples of how to suggest a change and 2) because sometimes people forget that there's nothing wrong with critiquing a DD (I haven't seen it in a while, but there have been posts like 'how could you critique this special snowflake' or 'don't listen to that jerk, this is peeeerfect as iiiiis' and they are most amusing when the artist's own comments say they think they could do better).



Guys, I am incredibly picky. If I were going to only feature perfect things, so far you would see two, maybe three pieces from me over the entire year. Perfection is hard and a lot of people who achieve it shoot for publication, which means it isn't even posted here.

There's nothing wrong with you if you think a DD could use work. Nor is there anything wrong with a person if they think something needs work and you think it's good as is.

And now for all the October DDs with less than 30 comments in case you're suddenly feeling the itch to say things. Hint, hint.

:thumb211856189: JuliaMetMichaelSamaraSawTheStarsGenevieveFoundFeari.
                               Tonight is different.
Genevieve pauses, staring as layers of fog encroach forward.  The ominous mist slinks onward only to settle against her taunt muscles.  Vapor coils along her skin like venom; tangible and prickling.
She allows her lungs timid inhales of February.  Every breath sparks artic shockwaves throughout her nervous system    Glacial streaks start to sprout within her tissues, ever-so-silent and sickening.  She slows, listening to iced-oxygen hardening between blood cells.
                     The cold feels like boulders in my lungs.
Genevieve feels so unexpectedly heavy in her skin.  Wading through the congealed midnight mist becomes arduous, a task difficult and necessary.  Unwilling muscles contract in unison, unconsciously clenching for heat.  Genevieve shudders, shivers rippling out from her shoulder bones.
                     There had always been a choice, even now.
Pink puny fingers flex against frozen
:thumb321906436: JayAcorn wedged between bone feet,
In awkward rhythm of white-tipped
Blue tail, there, he precisely
Brings his point of beak, and again,
Again, piercing down;  now,
Meat the color of old mustard shows,
And the big head tilts, the crest
Lays flat, the slick throat shuttles.
His bright eyes dart quickly about.
If he had hands he'd rub his belly.
Your Breath (A Little Bird Told Me)I buried a tiny bird today, in the rocky patch
out back, just beyond the gate,
where weeds grow near the garden and
the shade of a young tree hangs
over the sunken hole
and as I buried that little bird,
who was black with white belly
who had white spots, pokadots
trailing up black back and feathered
wings, I watched the wind gently
move those ruffled feathers,
ever so slightly, like flight without
movement
it is funny, for I thought this is
how your breath must be, cigarette and
coffee smell, as you blow smoke out
with a smile, fragile, like porcelain,
so easily broken, like the little body
now buried in the backyard
but still something else, like a final
flight, after the sun light has disappeared,
when all the birds are nested,
save for solely one, still feeling the
breeze beneath outstretched wings,
alone, beatific,
soaring on the back of soft breath
escaping from your lips
Argus ApocraphexOf the many tiny beads of sweat that had formed on his forehead, two fell down, further soaking his already dampened brow.  Suspended, he floated upside-down in a padded room, dreaming without consciousness of his body or its position in space.
His mind reeled from slide to slide—images of adolescence pooling together and then streaming into an old time film: The Life and Times of Donald A. Silver.  The yellowed silent movie showed a young man smiling and leaning against an old Chevrolet sedan.  Cigarettes burnt the corner, and he was dancing with the woman he'd asked to marry him.  But in the center of the shot, a blur grew from the inside of the lilies on her wrist.  A quick rewind to remove the obstruction, but instead it continued to grow across the bare chest of a flexing boy at the public pool.  And finally, it consumed the picture and gnawed it to the pit, leaving behind a carcass to rot in its old age.
The man awo
The ElementsI.
Wine as red as stained glass
is lifted up & tilted back
Empty cups
touch wood like thunder
having given up grace
II.
Blue veins
thread across wrists & palms
spent vessels returning to the heart
Fingertips suffused with pulse
lift to lightning's loveliness


Anyway, I mostly just wanted to toss a quick shout out in the way of all the people cool enough to drop polite critiques wherever they think one could be used, and also to remind you that if you get an awesome critique you should return the favour.

Till next time, keep calm and critique like a boss. :)


skin by Infinite705
Looking at a positive trend in lit DDs: critiques! Also check out =GrimFace242's Be A Critic as it's awesome.

The GIF is of Nagarjuna, I dunno what movie on account of I've seen like one Telugu movie ever. Damnit, when are they gonna finish that new one....

:iconcrliterature: <- go watch it.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconerinm31:
ErinM31 Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012
"keep calm and critique like a boss" - if there hasn't been a poster (or are those memes?) made for that, there should be! :XD:

Excellent thoughts as always! :thumbsup:
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:eager: do it!

Thank you :love:
Reply
:iconmonstroooo:
monstroooo Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Good point, well made!
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
Reply
:iconraspil:
raspil Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012   Writer
those quotes you chose aren't necessarily what i would consider useful because they don't give examples of how to do what the critiquer thinks would help the story. but that's me and if someone thinks i should modify my work for their liking... (yeah, i know)... they better be specific about what they would want to see different. otherwise, they're wasting my time. none of those sentences really say anything without examples. but at least they're trying, which is the opposite of doing.

i would also hope by this time we are able to tell what is pointlessly harsh and what is actually helpful. if someone thought those sentences above were harsh, they better just get off the internet right now.
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
In some cases, the critiquer did include that stuff, I just didn't put that in. I think it's also on the author to ask for examples if they need it--from the critiquer's end, if it's a problem in the entire work, it can be hard to pick just one example. From personal experience, anyway.

Seriously dude.
Reply
:iconvi0letdreamer:
vi0letdreamer Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Student Photographer
I usually feel like I have no business critiquing others, since their writing is better than mine anyway. So even if I notice something I usually won't say anything.
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You don't have to be better than someone else to see when something is off. :O
Reply
:iconofonesoul:
OfOneSoul Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I strive for critiques. I always try my best to provide good and constructive feedback in my comments. I feel like people will not take to kindly to someone just bashing their work, but everyone needs a little constructive criticism once and a while. :paranoid:
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:nod: Absolutely.
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